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My thoughts about that horrible movie, 'Domino'

Kill yourself first. If you had to go see Domino, that would be my advice. Yesterday I went with some friends to a free screening, and I want my money back. Arguably one of the worst movies I’ve seen in my life, and that’s saying a lot. Right now, twenty-four hours after the fact, I’m still filled with such a vitrolic rage that I must deconstruct this horrible movie online.

First, let’s review what a movie should have in order to be interesting, in order of importance:

1. Well-written/acted characters
2. A good plot
3. Explosions/action
4. Nudity/sex and other forms of pandering

Let’s work through this list. First of all, the characters in Domino are completely one-dimensional. The heroine, who bears the same moniker as the movie, is a girl from an upper-class family, who wants to rebel against her mother. Somehow, she decides she wants to be a bounty hunter, and attaches herself to two hard-nosed thugs of that same profession. Why? We don’t know. The two male characters are supposed to be tough as nails, but they’re just stupid: apparently bounty hunting for the thrill of chasing a human. I have a theory, though, that bail-jumpers are not very intelligent, and with some rudimentary deduction skills, you could capture them in their sleep.

Next, we have the plot of the movie. Here’s the another problem the flick has: bounty hunting is only glamourous in sci-fi. Here’s the second: only one bail-jumper is caught by the group in the entire movie, and that’s only in the pointlessly long “introductory” sequence. The rest of the flick is tied up in this huge scam, where some folks rob an armored car and then offer to turn in the “thieves” (patsies) and money in return for a finders’ fee. Of course, things go wrong, and everyone ends up dying except Domino, who is somehow released by the FBI at the end, even though she killed a ton of people and took part in a huge scam. When I explain it, the story may appear to be straightforward, but unfortunately the director had delusions of Tarantino: scenes skip back and forth like a schoolgirl on speed. Also, the cinematography is horrible and jerky. Not to mention that there are scenes that have no bearing on the rest of the movie, like when the Jerry Springer show makes an appearance for five minutes. Why? I guess because the writer thought Jerry Springer is somehow still funny. Hint: no.

There are many, many other cringeworthy moments, where the writer thinks he’s being clever. One example includes when the characters are involved in a horrendous motor accident, leave the vehicle with no visible injuries, and then have sex. Another is the “brilliant” twist where a man gets his arm shot off due to faulty cellphone reception. You can almost see the creators of this flick patting themselves on the back because it’s so edgy and whatnot.

To sum up: bad. I give it an F-.

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